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Seeking dom sub relationship

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Some partners can maintain their power dynamic for longer periods of time such as during a holiday while others take on a long-term arrangement one is dominant and the other is submissive throughout their lifetime.

These couples live a completely normal human life; their relationships are not really different from the rest. There are people who just love to dominate while others prefer being submissive.

If both parties are in the relationship willingly, it means that there will be no conflicts as far as power is concerned.

The only common thing about the relationships is that there is a dominant and a submissive partner. Note that domination involves taking and not giving so the dominant expects to be pleased in whatever way they like by the submissive.

Basically, the dominant expects nothing short of obedience. The summed up roles of domination include: 1. Taking responsibilities 2.

Being in full control 3. Prioritizing their desires and choices 4. Performing duties to their submissive partner 5. Demanding compliance and obedience.

The submissive delights in submitting to their partners. Their joy is not all about being dominated in bed; their fundamental desire is to please their dominant.

Sometimes, you will not give your opinions until your dominant states theirs. Basically, these are the roles of the submissive: 1. Elevating the desires of the dominant above theirs 2.

Accepting to be controlled 3. Expressing the desire to please the dominant. First of all, there are no hard or fast rules; the partners create their own principles regarding what to comply with, what to avoid, and how to enforce the rules.

This is the groundwork for any trusting relationship. Your partner is not a mind-reader so you need to speak up about your expectations, contracts, and rules.

Continued communication is what will keep the relationship moving. Make time to discuss issues freely and learn how to read your partners signals or safe words.

Honest dynamic and interaction go a long way. For instance, if you are the dominant type and want to push the limits of your submissive, you will require particular information to understand her boundaries.

The only way you can understand their limits is through effective communication. You want to exercise power in a positive and constructive manner.

So, more information will enable you to accomplish your roles better. To get the right information, you need to be honest as you interact with your partner.

For this matter, let it be clear as far as your fantasies are concerned so you can determine what is practical or not.

For the submissive partner, do not forget that your dominant is as human as you. Sometimes, even the most powerful and experienced partners can be indecisive or awkward.

If they make errors, do not focus too much on them. Also, some submissives eschew personal pronouns, instead referring to themselves as "this slave" or "Master Bob's girl".

This is sometimes considered an expression of modesty, but it is an entirely optional method of depersonalizing a submissive during "play".

It may have roots in the military , where new recruits are required to refer to themselves as "this recruit", rather than "I" or "me".

Relationships may be monogamous or polyamorous. Fantasy role play can be an element, with partners taking classic dominant or submissive roles, or classic authority-figure roles such as teacher and student, police officer and suspect, or parent and child.

These variations may include:. Some examples are:. Consent is a vital element in all psychological play, and consent can be granted in many ways.

Some employ a written form known as a "Dungeon negotiation form", for others a simple verbal commitment is sufficient.

There are many versions of consent but mainly it is the knowledge between the partnership of who plays the dominant role and who plays the submissive.

As well as the fact that all erotic experiences are performed in a safe, legal, and consensual practice as well as benefiting both parties.

Surface consent has been defined as a simple yes or no. Negotiation in terms of the sexual scenes is required to ensure that the BDSM play is enjoyable and safe for both parties involved.

The discussion of what activities are available and the mutual definition of the play is the only way both the dominant and submissive will be able to comfortably perform.

Safewords are verbal codes both partners can recognize as the end or altering of activities done in a BDSM scene. It is an important asset to continue the consent through the relationship and scene itself.

All of it ensures a safe space where both participants are able to enjoy the sexual play. The BDSM community takes consent very seriously and promotes safe play.

They also provide public playrooms with dungeon monitors to make sure the rules are kept and followed. Although they take all the precautions to the events, coercion and sexual assault still occur inside and outside the community.

The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom NCSF is an educational organization that is driven to propose positive and safe sex that was founded in That being said just because someone participates in a dominant and submissive relationship does not mean they will eventually be sexually assaulted or coerced.

Consensual non-consensuality is a mutual agreement to act as if consent has been waived within safe, sane limits.

It is an agreement that consent is given in advance, sometimes without foreknowledge of the exact actions planned, though within defined limits subject to a safeword, reasonable care, common sense, or other restrictions.

The consent is given with the intent of its being irrevocable under normal circumstances. As such, it is a show of extreme trust and understanding and is usually undertaken only by partners who know each other well, or otherwise agree to set clear, safe limits on their activities.

It is not unusual to grant consent only for an hour or for an evening. When a scene lasts for more than a few hours, it is common to draft a "scene contract" that defines what will happen and who is responsible for what.

It is a good way to work out what all the parties want and usually improves the experience. Some contracts can become quite detailed and run for many pages, especially if a scene is to last a weekend or more.

For long term consent, a "slave contract" may be drawn up. BDSM "contracts" are only an agreement between consenting people and are usually not legally binding; in fact, the possession of one may be considered illegal in some areas.

Some ceremonies become quite elaborate, and can be as involved as a wedding or any similar ritual.

Some people maintain a special room or area, called a dungeon or playroom, that contains special equipment, such as shackles , handcuffs , whips , queening stools , and spanking benches or a Berkley horse , for example, used for play scenes, or they may visit a BDSM club that maintains such facilities.

Many submissives in a submissive relationship wear a collar to indicate their submissive status and commitment. It can be much like a wedding band, except that only the submissive partner wears one.

The traditional collar is a neck band in leather or metal, chosen, designed, and even crafted by the dominant partner.

Some subs may wear a "symbolic collar", often a bracelet or ankle chain, which is more subdued than the traditional collar and can pass in non-BDSM situations.

It is not uncommon for a sub to have several collars for special occasions. Many people—for example, some in the punk rock and goth subcultures —wear collars for other reasons, such as fashion.

So, one cannot assume that all people wearing collars are involved in BDSM. Members of the furry fandom may also wear collars as a part of costuming or as fashion.

Use of collars in the sexual aspects of furry lifestyle may or may not be connected to BDSM, depending on the individual's preferences.

One of the most famous works in this area is Leopold von Sacher-Masoch 's Venus im Pelz Venus in Furs , , in which the protagonist, Severin, persuades a woman, Wanda, to take him on as her slave, serves her, and allows her to degrade him.

The physical pain is just a small part of it. And surviving it, enduring it, is a feat. I know it's weird, but I feel like if I can do that, I can do anything.

I didn't tell any of my friends about Doug for nearly four years. I just didn't want to be judged. Eventually, I started revealing details when we'd talk about our sex lives.

They couldn't believe that I liked being bossed around, that I allowed a man to hit me. I explained that in his normal life, Doug would never hurt a woman.

He even donates to a battered-women's shelter! One day at lunch I showed my best friend some texts from Doug. She got really upset by the controlling things he wrote, like telling me what to wear to work.

And when I revealed that he had a wife, she was totally disgusted. We'd been friends for 18 years and she had been my maid of honor, but we haven't talked in nearly a year.

Sometimes I feel like I'm someone's dirty little secret. Doug is now a full-on conservative businessman. He lives in a huge house in a fancy Boston suburb; he plays golf, flies planes, runs marathons.

As embarrassing as it is to admit, he's a lot like Christian Grey. And he has the perfect Stepford-looking wife. But the truth is, I feel bad for him.

I couldn't imagine leading a double life like he does. And I do feel guilty about his wife. Yet selfishly, my main concern is protecting him and our relationship.

I love that Fifty Shades of Grey has gotten women talking more honestly about their fantasies, but I hate that the book perpetuates the notion that a Dom must be messed up to be into this kind of sex.

Subs supposedly have no backbone, have daddy issues. I am completely alpha at home and work. I have two full-time employees and am a bossy boss.

Subs are not doormats. We are just expressing darker sides of ourselves the way everyone else probably has some fetish they're afraid to share.

Last week, I got home from a weekend with Doug in Boston. I don't know how much longer we can go on with the distance and his sneaking around, but I can't imagine my life without Doug, without this in it.

For now, I am comforted by the scenes I play over and over in my head. The way he walked into the room the last night and pinched me so hard that I inhaled deeply and tried not to cry out.

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I told my husband, with whom I share a very honest relationship, that I was going to see an ex for closure. But as soon as Doug and I laid eyes on each other, that dark connection was still there.

He walked me to my car, and we kissed. Then he told me to take off my pants. I obeyed. We were right back in it. He left for Boston with his wife the next morning.

A sub is willing to go to a place many people do not, or cannot, go. With miles between us, we're in contact over e-mail, text, and Skype.

Because BDSM is about so much more than just sex, Doug can still be my Dom from afar, focusing more on psychological control. I'll text that I'm going for a run, and he'll tell me I can't.

Over Skype, he'll watch me get close to orgasm and make me stop. Or he won't speak to me because, with the distance, it's one of the only ways I can feel the sting of his decision.

We know what we're doing isn't fair to our spouses, but fortunately for me, I'm able to be honest with my husband about Doug. We went through counseling a few years ago and agreed to have an open marriage.

I love my husband—and I love having sex with him, but in an entirely different way. Doug is my dark and my husband is my light.

For Doug, it's not that easy. His wife has no idea about this side of him. Recently, I flew to Boston for a long weekend when Doug's wife was out of town.

He arrived at my hotel and made me sit on my knees while he spanked me with his belt. Even though we have a safe word, I've never used it.

A Dom is intoxicated by someone who is willing to trust him or her that much. A sub is intoxicated by the surrender—and not because he or she is weak.

The physical pain is just a small part of it. And surviving it, enduring it, is a feat. I know it's weird, but I feel like if I can do that, I can do anything.

I didn't tell any of my friends about Doug for nearly four years. I just didn't want to be judged. Eventually, I started revealing details when we'd talk about our sex lives.

They couldn't believe that I liked being bossed around, that I allowed a man to hit me. I explained that in his normal life, Doug would never hurt a woman.

He even donates to a battered-women's shelter! One day at lunch I showed my best friend some texts from Doug.

She got really upset by the controlling things he wrote, like telling me what to wear to work. And when I revealed that he had a wife, she was totally disgusted.

We'd been friends for 18 years and she had been my maid of honor, but we haven't talked in nearly a year. Sometimes I feel like I'm someone's dirty little secret.

Doug is now a full-on conservative businessman. He lives in a huge house in a fancy Boston suburb; he plays golf, flies planes, runs marathons.

As embarrassing as it is to admit, he's a lot like Christian Grey. And he has the perfect Stepford-looking wife.

The term dominatrix usually refers to a female sex worker who dominates others for pay. It is common for writers to capitalise the "D" in Dominant but leave the "s" in lowercase for the submissive.

The dominant and submissive relationship fits within the overarching term of BDSM and its lifestyle. Therefore, many in the BDSM community do not fit the criteria.

It is possible that this community of BDSM participants was formed in the early 18th century and maybe even before.

For example, the dominant and submissive partnership has been shown in early versions of the Kamasutra. Their actions show severe sadomasochism as well as the early onset behaviors of the community.

Currently, the relationship between a dominant and submissive revolves around consent and guidelines. Within the world of BDSM, consent is a core focus and requirement because it is what separates sexual sadism from coercive sexual sadism disorder in the DSM Sexual Sadism Disorder and Sexual Masochism Disorder have been changed in order to show the differentiation of consensual vs.

The inner conflict and surrender connected with dominance and submission are enduring themes in human culture and civilization.

In human sexuality, this has broadened to include mutual exploration of roles, emotions, and activities that would be difficult or impossible to act out without a willing partner taking an opposing role.

A study suggests that only about 30 percent of participants in BDSM activities are females. Recent research shows that a minority of the population engages or fantasizes about BDSM activity.

A safeword is usually given to the submissive partner to prevent the dominant from overstepping physical and emotional boundaries.

It is usually a code word, series of code words or other signal used to communicate physical or emotional state, typically when approaching, or crossing, a boundary.

Safewords can have differing levels of urgency - some may bring a scene to an outright stop, whereas others may indicate that a boundary is being approached.

A safeword may be used by the Dominant as well as the Submissive if they feel things have gone too far and are uncomfortable continuing. It is usually a negotiated lifestyle, with people discussing their wishes, limits , and needs in order to find commonality.

Most adherents search for the essential intensity, trust, and intimacy that are required to make any deep relationship possible. BDSM is the sexual practices of bondage and torture, dominant and submissive, as well as sadomasochism.

In addition to "dominant" and "submissive", a "switch" is a person who can take either role. Most of the time in sexual relationships like this there is some sort of power exchange through their physical interaction.

In contrast, the terms top and bottom refer to the active agent and passive patient roles, respectively. In a given scene, there is no requirement that the dominant also be the top, or that the submissive be the bottom, although this is often the case.

The term vanilla refers to normative "non- kinky " sex and relationships, the vanilla world being mainstream society outside of the BDSM subculture.

The term comes from vanilla ice cream being considered the "default" flavor. Power exchange is consensual and in reality, it is the submissive that has the underlying control during the relationship exchange.

The terms top and bottom are used as verbs or nouns to describe the physical play of SM but with less of a focus of the "sadist" and "masochist" part of the activity.

They can be used as synonyms for dominant and submissive. It can also be used to describe a club where these activities take place.

It can also be a place to practice kinks safely and learn how to carry out activities and play. The term dungeon monitors is used as a description of well-trusted BDSM members that volunteer to monitor dungeons and look out for infractions, distress, or any other form of misconduct or non-consent.

The term flogger is used to describe a tool or whip used in sexual scenes. The action of flogging refers to impact play.

Usually made of leather with a hard handle and multiple long flat strands attached. The term can also be used to describe the person holding the specialized whip.

It was popularized in internet chatrooms, to make it easier to identify the orientation of the writer or the person being written about.

Also, some submissives eschew personal pronouns, instead referring to themselves as "this slave" or "Master Bob's girl". This is sometimes considered an expression of modesty, but it is an entirely optional method of depersonalizing a submissive during "play".

It may have roots in the military , where new recruits are required to refer to themselves as "this recruit", rather than "I" or "me".

Relationships may be monogamous or polyamorous. Fantasy role play can be an element, with partners taking classic dominant or submissive roles, or classic authority-figure roles such as teacher and student, police officer and suspect, or parent and child.

These variations may include:. A submissive might be referred to as slave although not all submissives are slaves girl, boy, or some other term that establishes and reinforces their subservience.

Some of the terminology used and behaviours engaged in are negotiated at the start of the relationship or should be. Many are simply edicts from the Dominant party.

The most important of this being that the Dominant Master, Mistress or Owner sets the rules and protocols while the submissive sub, subie, slave or pet follows those rules and protocols.

The level and precision of the enforcement of rules and protocols varies from relationship to relationship, as does the consequences for failure to comply or obey.

At the most moderate level, it is all little more than a game, while at the highest level, rules and protocols are set in stone and disobedience will result in punishment — often involving very severe corporal punishment.

At the highest level, they can address grooming, clothing, body modifications and enhancements, deportment, manners, requirements for entering or leaving a room, requirements for standing or sitting, use of the toilet, shower or bathroom in general, sexual requirements and just about every other aspect of life.

As it should be, it is the parties in a relationship that should ultimately determine its nature or type. Online submissive and Dominant relationships, while not my cup of tea, are increasingly common.

It is a matter of horses for course and what ever floats your boat. They can be monogamous or polygamous — for one party or both parties. Perhaps the most pervasive are that they are:.

A foundation principle for this sight is equal opportunity.

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